Back in SF for one night only

Only one plane ride away - I am back in SF for one night only before taking of to Cabo San Lucas. My dear friend Leta picked me up from the airport and I am so grateful. Not only since I once again was completely over packed and struggled with my luggage, but more so for the moral support. Coming back from traveling for four months is as hard as leaving. My mom frequently asks me why I still want to live in San Francisco. My answer always is the same, letting her know that as long as there are butterflies in my stomach when driving into town from the airport, seeing the skyline, that is my sign that there is something here for me to come back to. But last night driving in there were no butterflies. Nothing was moving inside me driving into town, my old neighbourhood, entering my apartment. I had become estranged. Is this possible after only four months? Yes, it is. I felt it strongly, the town and myself as two strangers meeting. One of course has to consider that over the years I had more than just SF to return to, a job, a relationship, a car, an apartment, a class, a degree - all things that tight me here. In my current situation with all these ties cut the thing that is left is the town alone and as it stood so stiff, gray and huge in front of me last night coming in, I realized that I had to start all over again, befriending this giant and I was not excited about it, knowing that with everything new there was the old to let go of first, well everything except my old friends of course. Those I will be very excited to see again. I will need you all, I will need a hug, I will need a shoulder, I will need guidance around town like I had never been here before. I am not afraid to show and share that traveling has made me stronger and also more raw on the inside in many ways. Today I woke up thinking: What are you doing here? And thus far I have absolutely now idea. Please help me figuring it out. And in return I will gladly share my stories and offer myself newly as a good friend.